I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
