Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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