Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
