I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
