Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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