Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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