Girls should come with a carfax report
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
