Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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