weddingsv make me drug and hornr
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
