ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
