It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
