The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
