i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize