i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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