Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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