he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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