I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
