He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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