I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You don't make any sense
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