Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
