I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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