The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
