i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
