put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
