Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do herpes really smell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
