She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
