I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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