suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
