Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
