need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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