It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
