I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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