my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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