bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i don't like sucking hair
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
