Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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