she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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