Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
