i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
