I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
