my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize