Is it because I queefed?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
