Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
