the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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