So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's paper in my vomit.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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