he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
