weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
