Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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