what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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