you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
