bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
