Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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