God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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