when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
