Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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