meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize