i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize