This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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