It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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