i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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