you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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