please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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