New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
