I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
