Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize