There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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