so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
