I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
