barbara walters just said penis...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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