I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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