I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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