i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
