oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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