I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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