The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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