I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
