she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
