He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
