I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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