So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
