Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
