i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
