We're facebook friends in real life
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
being pregnant is like rehab
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
