Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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